i’m not a bad mother…really i’m not

i’m not liking myself very much right now.

i yelled at Logan in a way i didn’t like…in a voice i didn’t like. and it scared him.

you have to understand, Logan is…well…he’s an asshole. now, before anyone jumps down my throat, i would like to defend myself. you see, Logan suffers from what i like to call Post-GERD Syndrome, or the even-more-popular Post-GERD Asshole Syndrome (P-GAS for short).

Allow me to school you on P-GAS. When a baby suffers from GERD, he/she requires much more attention than the average infant. In Logan’s case, he had to be held 90% of the day, always in an upright position. feeding had to be done in a specific way. his schedule was very specific due to his different medications. as a GERD baby (or GERDling) continues to grow, he/she becomes used to this attention…demands this attention. Enter the P-GAS era.

So, though Logan’s GERD is under control with all of his meds, he now suffers from a very severe case of P-GAS. That’s right, folks…he’s not just an asshole…he’s a major asshole.

Logan is spoiled beyond belief. granted the first 9 months of his life were not easy for the little guy. but now he believes he is entitled to everything, and if he does not get what he wants, or what he wants is taken away, it is a major affront…an offense of massive proportions. and thus begins the retaliation, which entails screaming, kicking, punching, hitting, screaming, throwing of large objects, pounding of fists into the floor/couch/parent and screaming. did i mention the screaming?

i’m sure that sounds like your average toddler tantrum to you…but it’s not. i know toddler tantrums….i’ve seen many from my oldest son, and many from the kids of friends and family. this doesn’t even compare. i’ve spoken to many parents of GERDlings in my online support group, as well as good friends of ours who have a recovered GERDling of their own. P-GAS is all too common, and very much different from average toddler behaviour. (please note that, in writing this, i am not trying to scare the parents of GERDlings. on the contrary…consider this a warning, so that they may be prepared for the asshole to come…so that they may have the chance to nip the asshole-transformation in the bud…a chance that we never had. with increased awareness, we can stop the tragedy that is P-GAS.)

our current battle involves the couch…which he’s learned to climb…with no thought for his own safety, or the safety of others. he uses the couch as a means to gain access to the large framed painting hanging over said couch, the adjacent bookcase and side table. he has tried to climb the bookcase on multiple occasions. as for the side table…which is the only place we can have the baby monitors, phone, and any snacks or beverages. and his assholeness won’t leave any of it alone! when you say no to him, he smiles at you as if to say “seriously….what are you gonna do about it?” and continues on his merry mission of destruction. ya…the kid’s the mayor of shit-town.

and now we are back to the beginning. i feel shitty. it’s impossible to keep your cool with a P-GASling running around causing havoc. so i lost my temper and yelled at him. and it scared the shit out of him. and i felt guilty. of course he’s forgotten all about it!

little asshole….he’s lucky he’s so cute!

Logan’s cute face

important note: the first commenter, Carlos…who is in fact my hubby and daddy to the asshole in question, mentioned something called “Angry-Drunk-Complex”. this refers to the pain-induced frantic flailing that would overtake Logan everytime he ate during the first 6 months of his life…resulting in my daily nose-bleeds, bloody lips and black eyes. henceforth, he was known as the “angry drunk”.

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Filed under funny ha ha, the monkey called Logan

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